Gerry Ryan - R.I.P -1 Year

I remember the day Gerry Ryan died, seems like only yesterday, my nan rang and told me and mam. We didnt't believe her so we turned on the rado. My nana was right, Gerry had died. They weren't telling us much about how he died, just that he was found in his home. It was the year I sat my leaving cert. I remember it hitting my mam, she was a avid listener of Gerry. She cried. I remember them saying things about him on the tv and radio, and the eerie silence that over took the island or Ireland. I cried. I remember the silence that cosumed the radio. Everyone just could't believe he was gone. I remember listening to stories about him on the radio, one sticks out in my mind, it was a man talking about his father "I remember every evening coming home and sitting at dinner, asking my father how his best friend was, tonight I saw my father cry for the first time in years. R.I.P Gerry." That story sticks in my head, it makes my stomach spin, but not in excitment or sickness, but the deep sadness (to be continued...)

Love is a drug!

"Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands
And soft hallelujahs flow in from the church
The one on the corner you said frightened you
It was too dark and too large to find your soul in" 
- Snow Patrol (The lightning strike)


I wish he felt the same - God, how many girls have said that or how many girls have I heard say that. Its a over used phrase and it has deep meaning and pain for many. Even though it is only six words. Now, I am the one saying it, yet again. 


It hurts to think of him with someone else, almost kills me. Why can't he see what he means to me. I try to tell him, but I choke back the words. Thinking about it now, brings tears to my bright blue eyes. I am only sad now because, I have had too much time to think. What can I do to show him my true feelings, I have tried telling him. It hasn't changed the way he feels, that hurts a lot.


With my past boyfriends after him, it just wasn't the same, I had no interest in them. I was trying to get over him, that didn't work (obviously). He's the one that makes me happy, I STILL get butterflies after a year. 


When I was with him the other day, he was sleeping and I looked at him and all I could do was smile. I bit my tongue, I wanted to say those three words (I love you). I have to give up on this, its not going to work, it's so hard, it's like, it's like, giving up smoking, or a drug..


I would be happy to settle with him, happily, be what he wants me to be. But he isn't like that, he considers me (well thats what the impression I get anyway). He isn't controlling or violent in anyway. I remember, I read somewhere, that if a man cries over you, he is the one that deserves u the most. He cried when we broke up. First man ever to cry in front of me. It broke my heart, still makes me well up now. 


I cried over him, after promising to myself that I would NEVER cry over a man, that they weren't worth it. I would marry him now, have kids now, even though I am only 19. Isn't it my choice, but it is his choice too.


This sucks..






Jem 
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Blog

Hello,
So, I don't know how to start this, I am new to blogging. :) So bear with me!
Well, for those who don't know me, I am Jemma, some know me as 'Steve™ ' I am 19 years old.
I really love Harry Potter, Piercings, Tattoos, My dog (Tom), Lord of the rings and college. I am just finished college, I study Acting & Theatre Performance. Yes, I am an Actor! My mammy is my idol! I love her so much, I have one tattoo saying 'Mam' dedicated to her. My dog is my baby, I don't care what you think, he is my baby. I love him so much!
So College - Yeah, so I am finished college, I was doing a one year course in acting. I will do another blog on that. My interests are mostly movies, acting, books, and lots of other stuff. If you keep up with this blog you will get to know me a little better. So I will talk to you guys again.


Jem
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