"Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands
And soft hallelujahs flow in from the church
The one on the corner you said frightened you
It was too dark and too large to find your soul in"
- Snow Patrol (The lightning strike)
I wish he felt the same - God, how many girls have said that or how many girls have I heard say that. Its a over used phrase and it has deep meaning and pain for many. Even though it is only six words. Now, I am the one saying it, yet again.
It hurts to think of him with someone else, almost kills me. Why can't he see what he means to me. I try to tell him, but I choke back the words. Thinking about it now, brings tears to my bright blue eyes. I am only sad now because, I have had too much time to think. What can I do to show him my true feelings, I have tried telling him. It hasn't changed the way he feels, that hurts a lot.
With my past boyfriends after him, it just wasn't the same, I had no interest in them. I was trying to get over him, that didn't work (obviously). He's the one that makes me happy, I STILL get butterflies after a year.
When I was with him the other day, he was sleeping and I looked at him and all I could do was smile. I bit my tongue, I wanted to say those three words (I love you). I have to give up on this, its not going to work, it's so hard, it's like, it's like, giving up smoking, or a drug..
I would be happy to settle with him, happily, be what he wants me to be. But he isn't like that, he considers me (well thats what the impression I get anyway). He isn't controlling or violent in anyway. I remember, I read somewhere, that if a man cries over you, he is the one that deserves u the most. He cried when we broke up. First man ever to cry in front of me. It broke my heart, still makes me well up now.
I cried over him, after promising to myself that I would NEVER cry over a man, that they weren't worth it. I would marry him now, have kids now, even though I am only 19. Isn't it my choice, but it is his choice too.
This sucks..
Jem
x
really well said and hope you don't feel that way for much longer.With the whole having no interest in your past boyfriends after "him" gives me the impression that you never cared and we're only using me but another part of me doesn't believe that and feel's that you're better than that.IF this sounds prickish and offends you I apologise but that's just what it sounds like to me.
ReplyDeleteOf course I cared and this is not the place for u to express your feelings, if u want to talk about it - write to me on Facebook!
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